The journey intensifies

Its true what the Bible says 'the footsteps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord' I am beyond in awe  if my God. In case you have been wondering how am holding up exercise wise.  Great. .I have been diligent waking up at 5 am to walk, skip rope and yoga.

Well even the days I really don't feel like it, Peace will not allow me to slack. She is on me like a tick on a dog. She will not even even have it. Not even. You can't even pay her kani. Hakuna munhu akadaro! I wake up and still go workout.

Well today I started at a gym. Yes gym. I was disciplined for 21days. That's how long it takes to establish a habit. So whether I like it or not my body will wake up at 5am everyday.  I even worked out on Christmas day and if course today.

The gym is at Marondera Country club. With my own trainer and good equipment. If I told you how much it will cost me per month you will be green with envy. Its $20 a month. And to top it all off. . Is walking distance from home. 

Gym was intense and the instructor had no mercy. So he first says 10 min on the bike and I thought it was a piece of cake. .lolest I was the piece of cake!  It was so painful I thought I was going to die... Yes die from workout!  But I was to determined I pulled through. Even did weights and stepping and  punching bag. Yah ndokushandira korona manje uku! ..go sokostina go! 

However what I have also realised is even emotionally am getting vulnerable, that hard shell is breaking. I feel like my emotions are all over the place. A serious mess. It's not easy at all. Then on Sunday someone says to me, I thought you are on some journey. . How come you gaining weight.  I was broken, yet the dress I was wearing on the day was giving me more room to manoeuvre and breath.  I felt dejected, my confidence plummeted to the rock bottom.

I thought really. .. wow beat me down why don't you. I then reminded myself that Rome war not built in a day and surely can't be destroyed in a day either. So if she couldn't see it going up it didn't mean the foundation war not being dug. I just told her an digging the foundation and is a deep foundation. What am building needs precision and am in no hurry to show the world. .... But like Rome, ONE day I will be a spectacular wonder to behold: I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have also decided to be honest with myself and how I feel. When I can I also air or if an happy or when I feel taken for granted.  

Recently,over and above the above, I was hurt badly by a very very close friend so bad I thought my heart was going to break. I felt used and unworthy.  Boy did I want to eat. I was so tempted to just throw in the towel...I was like What's the point. I threw a pity party! Tears and all!  Even said very horrible things to myself. I was full throttle towards the fridge!

At that very moment I put on my workout regalia and went jogging at 5pm listening to music. I felt so good afterwards! 

Working out felt better and more relaxing and I did not entangle my emotions with food.  It gets harder and harder. .yet easier and easier everyday. Funny huh?

I am more determined than ever to work hard and a bring down the emotional walls of Jericho. I know I might have to go round 7 months or more. ..but they will come down.

So yes its getting really intense.. however tomorrow is day two at the gym.

P/s I haven't forgotten part 2 of debt and weight are so related.