My first tears of progress; pursuing freedom....

I know this post is likely to be very emotional for me, because i went through so much self imposed drama and emotional roller coaster yesterday at the Gym. Of late i have been saying no pain; no gain, heee what what and i enjoyed gym, lolest! yesterday hadn't happened!

as always i look forward to going to the gym because its my place of comfort and i feel great because i will be taking control of my body. From Sunday I even started going to the gym wearing a full fleece tracksuit to increase heat so that i sweat from the heat and from the workout. With full determination to achieve my desired results, i look forward to going to the gym after work!

I have been hurt, oh gosh! so many time by people that i loved, trusted and opened my life for. some close friends, family and others i dated or otherwise. In this regard, I had vowed 2 never to cry coz of especially a man! I even sang and had on repeat, Mary J Blige's am not gonna cry! well it was all good in the hood; Until Farai my gym instructor happened to me last night!!! I literally cried & begged for mercy.  it all started off very well and enjoying my session, when he just said your body is too used to the same routine, we want to shock it today, it didnt register that i was going to have an intensier workout.

Toward the end of an intense 1hour 45mins workout, my body couldn't take it anymore my legs were hurting and shaking, my temperature was high and i couldn't breath properly, i screamed for mercy doing my second set of sit-ups, Fari would hear of it. i did finish the set and came off the sit-up bunch to give way to my paired partner. i crawled off the bunch and rested my head on the treadmill trying to catch my breath, and tears starting flowing.

i hated myself for letting go like that, i was crying from pain and disappointment. Thinking to myself if i deserved all this pain because i had brought this upon myself. i felt unattractive, useless and dejected. I felt right there and then to give up and never come back to the gym! i had had enough pain for the day, my body was indeed shocked and caving in on me! i was emotionally overwhelmed, tears sweat and more sweat, o couldn't control myself.... finally i had cried at the gym! i weighed my pain vs my benefits and realized i will keep coming back for more... felt like a pain junky!

You see working out needs endurance and long-suffering, one has got to be have a no-matter-what attitude... i will see this through! I have learnt that life will through at you curve balls and you have to learn the art of hitting them and making sure its a home-run while you are at it. I want to encourage each and everyone of you to embrace those that are going through this journey of weight loss and sorting out their lives; its not an easy journey at all, give them a call or sms or just encourage when you see them. God is the ultimate encourager but He uses man to do the work for HIM.

FYI: I am going back to the GYM tonight.......

I also realized i need to make extra income so that i have disposable income to make sure my journey easier. In this regard, my friend Tariro and my sister Lucy will be throwing Weigh In Parties;

We want to create an opportunity for you to Weigh In every second month to track your progress. We therefore have put together a dynamic team of experts who will assist in making the journey a whole lot easier for you. There will be an after party so we dance the weight away!!! There is also an opportunity to buy table selling space for weight loss, dieting and exercising products only! Limited tables available. For more information RSVP to Tariro Tandi 0772211437 and Tendai Wenyasha Garwe 0772888596. Book early to avoid disappointment. Can be bought via ecocash $10

I have officially become http://tendaiwenyasha.sbcnewresolution.com  Skinny fibre distributor, i am using the product and i can recommend for you to use it too. Contact me to either buy your own bottle or to join the company as a distributor!

Sokostina amplified!!

Oh gosh, ZESA ka, I had written 4 paragraphs and magetsi just went. How I have to start all over again; I wonder why my machine doesn’t auto save? Nxaa, now my blog will mutate into something else!

Anyway, let’s move to the meat of the blog…. Oh my!! meat, did I just say meat.? So we finished our Daniel’s fast as a church yesterday and I don’t even feel like meat. I am in no hurry to dive into a t-bone steak later alone a huge fillet steak or chicken breast.  I will take it slow, otherwise my system will go into shock and I will fall ill or have serious stomach cramps. I would like to advise fellow brethren to take it easy and reintroduce meat bit by bit. In this regard, may we please not abandon the vegetables completely.

Anyway, back to the journey I am travelling; it is becoming more and more satisfying. I have come to a point where I know, God is so God and He hears our prayers. He neither sleeps nor slumbers. Haarare Mwari uyu. In the last 21 days I have gotten so close to God more than I ever had been in 2013, I was dreaming dreams and seeing visions, like literarily!! The year of revelation and declaration has become so tangible for me that I enjoy my morning devotions kumba kwedu naPeace. God is soo good to us and we now have the discipline to read the word. We read the word at 430am and we share lessons from the Bible using the Celebration Church Darling Bible reading card. God reveals too us things and we make declarations and decree things. Then we pray before going out to walk/jog.

One of my friends who follow me on twitter said to me, “Tendai kasi you stopped posting days ekuenda kugym, asi you no longer working out?’ I am working out so much because I do not want to miss a day. I was posting everyday because I was establishing a habit and I need to be accountable. Right now I am on day 29 and loving it so very much. After the devotion, between 515am and 530am we go out for a brisk walk/jog for 30mins to 45mins. My hood in Marondera is blessed with up hills and down hills and all sorts of terrain; great exercising.  When you change routes to jog, your body and mind will not get bored, because there is a change in scenario, well it works for me. After work, I then go to the gym and do an intense 1 hour or 1 hour 30mins.

You know I have since learnt that the gym is my tension and stress out let. You should hear me screaming in the gym….tjo, it reminds me of child birth. What is your outlet? I used to take it out on food veduwe, just anger I ate, stress, I ate, papi ko, ndaingondoyera chikafu mukanwa (eating without a breather) ndonye ndonye, hakuna munhu akadaro kani! Now! When something ticks me off, I just close my eyes and visualize the gym, or running in the morning with all that fresh air, life’s good. I also realized with the 4 liters I drink a day, I do not have hunger pangs. I used to confuse thirst with hunger and eat when thirst and when hungry, thus more weight gained!

I have realized that I am happier and more loving and giving. In turn I am receiving a lot of love and attentions from people as well, even those that I am not expecting.  I am now taking better care of myself you know!I have realized that zveshuwa what you give is what you get. I am giving love, joy, truth (heish kani learn to give truth, lying is so much work, you have to remember the sequence of your last lie), happiness, compliments, smiles, hugs, clothes, time, I am just giving. Giving is not just about money, its about a lot of other things. Take for example Valentine’s Day is coming; I know, I know, you already thinking heeee, I don’t believe in pagan what what traditions, kupi… tibvirei apo! Valentines is a great time to show your loved ones, not just Eros love but Agape love, that you love and appreciate them. I am looking forward to some chocolate and sunflowers, *sigh* am such a girl… kikikiki

I am told I look younger even and my skin is smoother., my eyes are brighter and my laughter is louder! I know, to you  I might not have visibly lost weight to people, but a lot about me is getting lighter and lighter each day! No! I haven’t weighed myself. Why not? Well because the journey is not just about the scale and I, it’s about all aspects of the baggage I used to carry. So at the end of March I will be doing a full wheel of life analysis of my life including weighing. I do not do New Year’s resolutions, I usually settle for action plans, which are aligned to my personal strategic plan for 5years (what do you want to see in 5 years…. Good opportunity to do a personal strategic plan).

So since I am not weighing myself, I am looking at my clothes to see the progress. The other day veduwee, I screamed my lungs out when I fit into size 22 jeans (I know its double your size! So?) I thought my heart would pop out from beating so fast. Like seriously from size 26 here to 22? I rocked those jeans as if hameno! I had bought these jeans 2 years ago and couldn’t get in, not even pass my tighs, and forget about the tummy! Lolest! But hey, am in the jeans. Did you know you start loosing inching off your body before the weight goes? Well its happening to me. To top it of one of my BFFs Maureen, bought me a beautiful dress from USA and its Size 22, I can’t fit it yet because of the design and my tummy still needs some work, but give me two weeks tops and I will get a picture taken in it! Every girl (especially) if you are on weight loss program, need a goal dress! The one you try on each week to see if you fit and also just feeling and visualizing how great you will look in it!

The journey continues……….

.......you have been updated!!

Its an exciting day for me, its back in the office! like the young children going into form 1 and grade 1 and pre-school, i feel today is the dawning of a new day for me at The Women's Trust.With the energy and positivity i have i know 2014 will be my best year yet. i choose to have a great time and to love my work the same way i love myself.

I have since realised that life has curve balls veduwee. when you least expect it you are walking down a different road and there are changes that need management. As i had highlighted in my last blog, i have since started serving in the church choir and i am fully back serving in the church council and making my way back to the young adults ministry. I have been reading my bible and praying and sticking to my Daniels fast ( this was an accountability paragraph as a follow up from my last blog.. in case you were wondering) 

Anyway so i am still going to the gym and i have 1 more day before i establish the habit to exercise. i know a lot of people have need insisting i rest and take a day off; i will after 21 days, Sunday will be my rest day, meaning i will exercise 6 days and rest on the 7th day. And nooooo!!! I will not be weighing myself until end of March, its because i do not want to discourage myself when i just see little weight lost. Even my inches, i know the from last year i will measure them when i need a dress done, and its not anytime soon either.

Heish nezuro i really wanted to run away from the gym, it was painful and i thought i was going to die, i wanted to cry even. One would think it gets easier, but the fitter you get the more your trainer intensifies your workout. The good thing and my trainer and i have a good working system and great communication. the other day i was lifting weights and they were light, i even asked for extra pounds and he was very much impressed! i have gotten to the point where even when he is not looking i do not miscount or cheat, because i will be cheating myself. He doesn't push me that much anymore because i take the initiative myself to work hard and earn it! No Pain! No Gain! My son even came with me to the gym, after seeing and trying the intense work out, he said "mum i am very proud of you". It was a priceless teary moment for me.

My relationship with my son has since improved, for some reason i am more patient and tolerant. i listen more and think through before answering. Gym has taught me great discipline and endurance.  Right now, i feel weird as if something is missing because i did not go to the gym this morning, but i remind myself that gym is now at night. i have also started walking more instead of catching a ride or an ET

However there has been a slight change in training program, instead of working out at the gym in the morning, i will be jogging in the morning and workout after work at the gym. i do feel more alive and my back does not hurt at all. i would never walk for 50meters without complaining about back pain. even standing for more than 2 minutes, it would be hell. i wouldn't be able to breath either, i would feel like air was running out and needed to seat down. But today this morning, i ran for 800m none stop without pain or shortness of breath, now God is good ooooo.

Its true that when you are working out you have energy and your brain is very active and there are great ideas in my head left right and centre. i feel good! so good! i feel like the world is my playground!

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT......... YOU HAVE BEEN UPDATED!!!!

 

Nyama noMweya (the flesh & the Spirit)

Its been 9 days at the gym and day 2 for my daniel's fast (basically am strict vegetarian for the next 21 days) with loads of prayer of course. I begin my journey toward spiritual strengthening and recovery. Heish yah... zvinoda vakashinga moyo.

2013 was a really dry spiritual year for me. Gosh did I pick up offence or what? So much that I even stopped serving..like completely. I know, its always preached offense is taken heeee heee what what, but I promise you there are professional offense givers.  No, make that offense dagger throwers.  They take pride in being offense tape measures and then preaching you on the pulpit nxaaaaa. Hakuna munhu akadaro. I mean seriously church is something else, really something. Hanzi Peter wandai famba naye ndichiti ndagona ndiye azondibaya..... ndakabaiwa veduwee

I mean, seriously, when I bounce back like now, then what? Let us pray for each other and one another. I really thank God for those that prayed for me and stood by me and did not give up on me. Where you have refreshed me may God completely refresh you too.

However, in all this offense: Yes I still should have been the bigger person and responded better; stayed up there where it was cooler and remained rooted in the Lord #amjustsaying

Imagine, i stopped ministering, sat back and did absolutely nothing in church. Letting go of: "involvement is the key to your call" like wat Pastor Bonnies always says. Thanks to work and school, I had excusese and did not attend most conferences either. The things am most passionate about: young people,  order and worship, I totally abandoned, completely. My giftings were packed away neatly. short changing myself and the body of Christ. At times I even felt I was swimming backstroke in sin. Lolest!

I have since realised that church and my gym are so similar. Different people with different goals come to the same place seeking help. We all need different type attention and workout routine. Others are fit and others are just beginners, therefore we can not be assigned the same exercises.

My instructor 21years of age by the way,  he is always shooting no pain: no gain! You should hear him when he tells me you need to burn that tummy or strengthen those legs..he shouts for all to hear.  But funny enough I do not take offense at all because I know the results I seek!

The same way I exercise my body muscles I should too my spiritual muscles. Read my word, fellowship and serve. I grow and become strong when I serve in the house of God. Even the gifts that God has given me needs to be exercised. I mean I can't have a Prophetic gift and not even prophesy or healing and never heal. I have to be actively conscious to strengthen their spiritual muscle.

This year I will deliberately come back to my first love..God. Return to my rightful body weight too. He says draw near to me and I will draw near to you.  Boy am I going to be all up in His intimate space. I know there is no spiritual barometer to measure my holiness: but my God and I will know. I am reading my word, praying and returning to serve.

This weight loss journey has made me realise that I can not accomplish my healing emotionally without the Holy Spirit as my central pivot system.. 5/10 it can't. Hazviite kani

My instructor at the gym never ridicules me when I come with sore thighs and painful arms or when a set is difficult to complete.  Instead he helps me work that pain out and reminds me to set my eyes on the goal. He even insists I close my eyes and envision that one person who will Eat their heart out when i loose weight. Reminding me there are people waiting for me to fail saying hai haiwa, haiwawo... zvipiko she can't do it.  He shouts 'prove them wrong'. Well if you are one of those you will not only eat your heart out..nechitaka coz I am doing this!!!!

I will choose my instructors wisely in 2014; not those that point fingers and day holier than thou what what things.  But those like Jesus who lives you through it all. Psalm 1 veduwe.

I have been weak these two past days gym and the fast. . But I am sure soon I will be used to it. There are times when I just say ah What's the point. .. But s still small voice reminds me to keep at it.

The amount of encouragement I have been getting is overwhelming and humbling.  I feel like Man United though am not at my best or at the top; its not over until it's really over! I still have full support that keeps me going. Thank you for the love and support best of all for believing in me. Its day 10 today 11days from establishing a habit.

Til next time God bless you zvinemutsindo! Be a blessing to others too!