Well it been an interesting two weeks, i have not blogged and well i have not written much on my journey. This is because there are unexpected curve balls that are being pitched in my direction. This weekend last i did not even exercise, i feel like i am having an out of body experience. Like this Body is not mine. i feel like i have slacked and lost direction. I did not have strength kani, not even one to go to the gym, but manje i am functioning low. i have since realized that when you establish a habit, you no longer own it for yourself and its hard to not do that which you have established. i did exercise this last week, i have started to run longer distances and endure fast heart beats.
i have also learnt that i love hard and i have a sense of naivety, that when i love, that person or people will love me the same in turn...... well lol aunty other people have lives and they are living them. Or somehow those we love intensely don't love us, and the ones we do not love, love us. its all twisted. All i know is to love with my all, because i never want to think what if. This love is for my family, my job, my friend, my church, my people, well, whether you appreciate it or not, if you know me very well and not just assume nonsense about me, i am a very loving person. Not that i am trying to get anyone to love me.
Well i have a lot of s^%t going; and me being me, i was saying i will not think about it and it will go away. Never do that, push things at the back burner, because when they want to come out and lay ka.... hahahaha. they come out at mutated demons i tell you. My phone died yesterday, now some of you would say really Tendai phone here? ehe!! phone! in all my years i had never bought anything for me, to spoil myself. you may not understand this and well frankly i don't care if you don't, because i understand it.
This phone was my- for me gift. The one thing that you selfishly do for you and not even care how much it costs. yep! and a huge part of m fell apart yesterday because i was feeling like so is God sending a message or, is life telling me i don't deserve to be spoilt or happy. I know sounds sad -outside looking in. But yep i have done things for everyone kani, everyone that i love and care about. I have schooled people, looked after people, married off people, loved people, i have have have, saka the phone was my ME having done something for ME! told you this was randomness.
Anyway, i am hurt, so hurt that i don't even know.... yah i do not know!
Thank you for being there for me, those who didn't care my request to be left alone. Sis Wadzi had to call from SA and said i should ask myself these 3 questions everyday for 21 days... gosh its like going to the gym i tell you.
Who of what inspired me today?
Who bought me happiness today?
What bought me comfort and deep peace today?
I will en-devour to comply and do as told.. hanti big sister has spoken here?
Then i had requested a none bible bashing but i was sent a very soothing scripture by Pastor Batsi my brother.
God is truly good to Israel, to those who have pure hearts. But I had almost stopped believing; I had almost lost my faith because I was jealous of proud people. I saw wicked people doing well. They are not suffering; they are healthy and strong. They don’t have troubles like the rest of us; they don’t have problems like other people. They wear pride like a necklace and put on violence as their clothing. They are looking for profits and do not control their selfish desires. They make fun of others and speak evil; proudly they speak of hurting others. They brag to the sky. They say that they own the earth. So their people turn to them and give them whatever they want. They say, “How can God know? What does God Most High know?” These people are wicked, always at ease, and getting richer. So why have I kept my heart pure? Why have I kept my hands from doing wrong? I have suffered all day long; I have been punished every morning. God, if I had decided to talk like this, I would have let your people down. I tried to understand all this, but it was too hard for me to see until I went to the Temple of God. Then I understood what will happen to them. You have put them in danger; you cause them to be destroyed. They are destroyed in a moment; they are swept away by terrors. It will be like waking from a dream. Lord, when you rise up, they will disappear. When my heart was sad and I was angry, I was senseless and stupid. I acted like an animal toward you. But I am always with you; you have held my hand. You guide me with your advice, and later you will receive me in honor. I have no one in heaven but you; I want nothing on earth besides you. My body and my mind may become weak, but God is my strength. He is mine forever. Those who are far from God will die; you destroy those who are unfaithful. But I am close to God, and that is good. The Lord G od is my protection. I will tell all that you have done. (Psalms 73:1-28 NCV)
Anyway i was being random. So yes i am still working out, yes i am still eating right and yes i am still drinking water, yes I AM! Allow me to believe and myself so you can believe in me too!
